hi! my name is 'yours'

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 12:43:53 GMT

okay. i get it now.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:28:22 GMT

how much you always forgive everything i do. the time and space begin of certain if i'm coming back to you.
i'm saying this to let you know i try.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:03:33 GMT

i can handle the truth.

0912

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:21:52 GMT

i still hold on to this date. close to my heart, everyday and every minute of my life.

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 21:48:45 GMT

it was real, wasn't it? you and me. such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. but we really loved each other, didn't we?

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:42:02 GMT

a big part of me is telling me to change, but the devil side of me has other plans. all that partying, drugs, alcohol, womanizing and what nots. it wears me out so much that i don't even know who i am at this point of time. i can't keep pointing my finger at you for making me the way i am right now. because the truth is, it's never you. never was. i only have myself to blame and honestly i can't even handle that. i've tried praying, it worked, but it was only for that moment in time. i always find myself drawn back, sinking deep down into the abyss.

i've created that so called 'reputation' for myself, that so called image in which everybody loves to hate. they know that i am trouble but they couldn't resist. and with that somehow, in contradiction, i thrive and gloat at the blasphemous reputation that people perceive myself as. and i do realise i've been getting the cold treatment because of my ways, especially from a certain group of people (but that's okay because they don't really matter to me).

and turning 23 soon doesn't eventually make me a wiser and a more mature adult. it somehow makes me realise that i can never turn back time, but it makes me look forward to the new year. new year = new me, i suppose.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 08:25:15 GMT

i'm a happy person and i will stay happy despite everything. i am happy for myself, happy for you and happy for everyone.

:D

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 17:39:06 GMT

it takes two hands to clap. no matter how one person try to make it work, it will not work if the other party doesn't have the heart in making it work.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:02:57 GMT

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:02:27 GMT

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 08:02:16 GMT

are you okay without me?

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 17:29:57 GMT

i have so much to say. but nothing comes out right.

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:08:59 GMT

i just want to get out of here and leave everything behind because it all doesn't make sense anymore.

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 10:10:25 GMT

i will wait for you if you will wait for me.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 00:51:34 GMT

sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much. if i could go back in time and fix all the mistakes i made, i wouldn't because it has made me who i am today. i'm not one to harbour on regrets. i was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again, and tell myself that mending it whole was just as good as new. what lies broken is broken - and i'd rather remember it as it was, at its best, than mend it. i'd rather see the broken pieces for as long as i lived.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 05:29:21 GMT

i am wondering how i can have enough time to go out and make other girls fall in love with me, but don't have enough time to pay attention to the girl who already is.

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:24:00 GMT

i'll express my feelings, then sit back and watch you walk away.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 22:28:12 GMT

if i were to fall in love with a new soul today it would be something i have never experienced before. the feelings i get that fall in the category of what i am calling “love” seem to constantly evolve as i gain new perspectives along this journey of my individual life. what was once love to me has been erased by what is now love for me, but somehow they have remained constant in tone and surely have the ability, at any point in my life so far, to make me powerless. the spirit inside of me is a predator of energy and balance. even if the new chemistry mirrored exactly a situation or love i’ve felt before it would still be different. that just boggles my mind sometimes. it is very easy to digest that fact, but it is also very easy to realize that the chances of actually finding, connecting, bonding, and mutually devoting yourself to another spirit that was absolutely the one for you are against all odds. BUT it does happen because i see and feel it all around me in every moment i have open the doors to let it in. i can sense things so clearly at times and i have been around those who have absolutely found or been found by their soul mate. the hope is, without a shadow of a doubt, there and will always be. this assures me all is well regardless of my minds own interpretation of exactly where i am at in this particular genre of love and life. i know, i know, i’ll stop.

Thu, 28 May 2009 06:23:55 GMT

do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? you don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. but at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. there isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. if you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. people have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. at least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take "i don't know" for an answer. you feel the way you do just because. you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

Thu, 14 May 2009 02:02:58 GMT

i miss you, you and you.

but not you.

Mon, 04 May 2009 19:36:28 GMT

no one can promise they'll never hurt you because at one time or another, it will happen. the real promise is if the time you spend together will be worth the pain in the end. of course, you're going to get your heart broken. and it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. that's just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. then you can handle it better next time. you may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. and you'll be a stronger person because of it. then one day someone will come along, and it'll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again.

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:03:53 GMT

“loving someone is giving them the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.”

trust. trust is the faith and belief in someone to never let you down. the idea of them placing the ground beneath your feet if you’ve been walking with your feet dangling in the air. trust is the belief in someone who has the ability to turn against the world when they turn on you, and the sense of confidence that they will never stab you. but keep in mind, trust at the time is (probably) a beautiful thing, but like everything else, it will dissapear and fade away.

this could all be due to a few certain people who changed a bit, or drifted apart. or both. everyone changes, everyone drifts. it isn’t their fault, and i am not mad at them one bit but just mad that it happened. certain things in life are beyond our control but i’d give anything for a time machine so that i could re-live the best experiences over and over again..

..and never have to grow up and leave people behind.

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:44:50 GMT

i am confused.

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:21:55 GMT

so here i am, trying to piece my life back together again. if i might say so myself, it is working rather well. it's certainly not perfect, but there is definite progress. there's a lot of residual damage that i'm still trying to mend, but i have faith that it will work out this time.
i look back at some of my previous entries, and i all i can do is laugh. i was so foolish, and for what? absolutely nothing. i guess life is like that sometimes. you look back at the past, and you don't know how you got so caught up in the moment. but seriously, whatever. i've already accepted the fact that i'll be a hopeless romantic until the day i die. i think that this is exactly what makes me happier and more productive these days. i'm referring to my acceptance of my being, with all its tendencies and flaws. i no longer fight it anymore. i won't do and say things in attempts to conform to what people want me to be. i'm me. and i'm gonna do what i like. and god damn, it feels so good.

it's strange cause i never really mention what's going on outside of my life in these entries. well i'm going to be different this time and say that i'm pretty excited for our show this coming saturday. after 2 years of hiatus, (well, suhayl got the exact duration of hiatus) we're finally back. i don't really talk about my music publicly, unless it's an interview of course. i hope to see the familiar faces i missed during these 2 years of silence.

and i want you to be there, like how you always do for the past 5 years.

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 04:24:43 GMT

i know you're trying your hardest, and the hardest part is letting go.